Saturday, January 29, 2005

boys...

did i ever mention that boys are totally incomprehensable to me? actually, humans in general are, but never mind. turns out i misunderstood aaron AGAIN. he just wanted the "dump" word taken out of it. he and i talked today and worked it out, and now we're okay again. i actually came to a realization today: what he did makes perfect sense. neither of us has the time to devote to a relationship; he's taking 28 units while i'm taking 25. he's actually saved us both a lot of stress by breaking it off early.

it's kind of amazing how relatively quickly i get philosophical after being angry. i'm sure the bag of circus peanuts helped.

blah

i didn't want to wake up this morning, 'cause then i'd have to think. oh well, i'm up, i'm up, and i'm thinking. i wasn't really happy when i wrote the last post, more confused. i don't know what's going on. that seems to be the general theme for the week, "i don't know what's going on." i really don't. stupid drama (not the type onstage). i went out last night and did my equivalent of going out to get drunk: i went and got hot fudge sundays with a couple friends of mine who were also going thru boy issues. i also had a bunch of sugar shots. we talked and talked and talked about how stupid boys can be, and had a lot of fun. aaron was upset that i didn't tell him how upset i was about the whole breakup thing, and he just talked at me, and i took it, 'cause i had no clue what to say. i'm done with boys for a while. they suck. truth to tell, i was outright lying on my last post. what a punk. i'm done dealing with aaron. punk.

Friday, January 28, 2005

i feel better

I had a long talk with aaron today, and i guess i misunderstood him. we haven't actually broken up, really, but we just took a break for school, since we both have so much stuff to do. i feel so much better. i'm not explaining it right, but he explained it to me, and it makes sense to me, i understand what's going on. i freely admit i didn't really hear/listen to parts of the conversation, i was just reeling from the first part of what he said. i feel happy now. :)

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

ASM

that stands for Assistant Stage Manager, which is what i'm gonna be for that one show i tried out for but didn't make it into, How I Learned to Drive. that is, if my couple of conflicts from track can be worked around. i'm actually the second asm, but the first will be running slides and all that jazz, so i'll go to the rehearsals, read the script for when the actors need help on lines, and once the show gets closer to opening, i'll be backstage making sure everyone's in their rightful spot. i'll be busy as heck what with track and all, but i'll bring my books to school and do my homework during lunch. this'll also be really good experience to put on my resume.

Monday, January 24, 2005

hmmm

Is it normal to look forward to seeing someone even though they've hurt you?

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Art Stuff

I have to buy art supplies for my techie class, and I didn't know what brands to buy, so I got advice from the wonderful, wise Brenda. We have a semester project based on The Rocky Horror Show (play, not movie). Last semester it was Man of La Mancha, but since I'm in 19B now, I have to do more. I have to design costumes (I'm not sure how many) and make a 1"-scale model of either the set itself or a piece of the set, I'm not sure. I get all the info tomorrow, but I've been researching a lot of the different runs of Rocky Horror. As Rocky Horror is a cult classic, I figure I can't stray too far from the beaten path when it comes to costuming, but I will add my own personal flare.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Drama

Went to the used bookstore today, and got a few theater anthology books for $16. Nice! Now I have the complete works of William Shakespeare, some Sam Shepherd plays, a Rock Musical book, etc, etc. I found a couple of monologues to work up for school/auditions; one's from the Sam Shepherd play Savage/Love. The entire play is a bunch of poems on different moments of love. The one I want to perform is longer than I want to type right now, but I'll type in a shorter one from the same play.

"Haunted"

I'm haunted by your scent
When I'm talking to someone else

I'm haunted by your eyes
In the middle of brushing my teeth

I'm haunted by your hair
By your skin
When you're not around

Are you visiting me

Am I dreaming you up

Friday, January 21, 2005

Weird

I can't make up my mind which is worse: the ex ignoring me or being really nice to me. i've gone through both, you'd think i'd know, but i don't really. aaron has been really nice to me, making sure i'm all right, and all that jazz. it's hard, 'cause i'm just reminded of why i'm into that guy. i think, though, now that i've written it out, that i know which is worse: ignoring. i think that at first it'll be much harder with the whole nice thing, but once i've gotten over my anger i'll be able to be friends with him again. my first ex totally ignored me after dumping me, and while it was easier at first than now, i got pretty resentful later on, and we haven't been friends since. i'll survive, and aaron will be a good friend.

It's amazing how insightful a few hours of therapeutic vegging and a bag of circus peanuts will make you.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

friends

aaron broke up with me. we're still friends. my head hurts. he said it was too much responsibility for both of us, and he told me i've been the best friend he's had in a long time. he told me he didn't want to have us go down the line and end up breaking up in anger. he wanted us to stay friends. i feel rather dizzy. my hands are bruised. i hit a lot of walls when we hung up. i yelled, too. i guess he cried, but i cried too. i cried silently, so he wouldn't hear. then i got pissed off with him, but i told him i understood where he was coming from. i do. he's built me up in his mind as being in love with him; i'm not, because my heart didn't break. i was just pissed that he had the gall to break up with me. i'm going to stay his friend, though, 'cause he told me the truth. that's more than others have done.

Hello, again

just cooked food for myself. i'm rather tired. track has kicked my butt three days in a row now. dude. i saw aaron today after track, which was really nice. he walked me to my locker. he said i got him sick, and i said i was sorry, that i may have been too generous. took no medicine today, little cough, little running of the nose, lots of soreness, but i'm not as sore as i was yesterday at this time. i'm building the muscle back up. bought books yesterday. $100 for 4 books. pretty good for college books. dad's gonna reimburse me, as i bought them with my money. i'm gonna eat now.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

First Day

today was the first day of school, and i had english, improv and track. i hope english will prove to be interesting, i know improv will be (i know the teacher), and i will get better in track. the delta track team is small. i wasn't the slowest person by the end of workout, but i was the slowest of the people who finished. coach sent me home early with another person, since he didn't want to push us too hard. i was feeling really down on myself until i got a coughing fit on my way home. i didn't realize the significance until i was bathing, but then i realized: i'm not that out of shape, i'm just sick! i'm really tired, though, so i think i'll do my homework and go to bed early. blech. and take some medicine. not necessarily in that order.

Monday, January 17, 2005

school

School starts tomorrow! FINALLY!

Another dream

I had another trippy dream last night, I dreamt that I was in a production of Phantom of the Opera; I was playing a minor role, but the guy playing the phantom suddenly couldn't go on, so I was pushed in the lime light as Phantom. It was pretty easy, except my cape (which had a hood) kept obscuring my vision, and I didn't know any of the lines and only a few entrances and exits I was supposed to make. I just kept popping up onstage at odd times and pretending like that was what I needed to do. At one point I was underneath the stage when I heard my cue to come on, and there was a prerecorded voice for me answering, so I ran onstage with my cape all askew, and the audience was laughing. Suddenly I began singing "Music of the Night," and everything got quiet. I woke up with the song running through my head. This could seem like a bad dream, but there were no feelings of panic or dread or anything like that. It was just trippy.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Dream

I had an especially vivid dream last night. I'll give the last dream segment first, since I remember that best, then go back as I remember more.

I'm in this old car (like from the 60s) with this guy with scraggly hair on his head and face. In fact, he looks either like a professor who doesn't take care of himself or a hippie. Anyway, for some reason or another we're heading down to LA together, down I-5. We don't talk for a ways, we just listen to the radio, which is playing "Hotel California." When the song finishes, the announcer on the radio starts talking about how important that song was to song history, but then falters, searching for words. I giggle, the man tells me I shouldn't laugh at the deficiencies of others, so I tell him that I can since I often do what the announcer did. I discover the man's annoying driving habit of slowing down to about 40 mph on the freeway when he talks. Anyway, the man then tells me we're going to go back in time to 1969, and I'm thinking, "Woodstock!" But as I'm thinking that, the landscape changes. It's still I-5, but there are no telephone poles, no houses, just I-5 and the hills. Then the man tells me that after the summer we're going to go back to 1966 for some reason; he explained it, but I don't remember. I then started thinking about the experiments we could do, like if we took something that was produced in 1969, would it age when it came to the present? Would it disappear when we took it to the past? All that jazz. Anyway, we get stopped by construction and I continue to think about the implications of what we're doing, and I think about how in "Back to the Future," Doc would have never taken someone back in time without telling them first. Then my alarm woke me up.

Earlier in the night, I was dreaming that I was babysitting my cousin, and I was building a roller coaster for us to ride on; I kept having to deal with the fact that my room wasn't quite big enough, but I ended up fixing it so the coaster was compact enough to fit in my room. It was an entire kit for building a coaster, and I could decided what kind, so mine started off going up a little hill then up a big hill. I then left off what I was doing to add tracks, and at first I added the planks (that really should be under the track) to the top of the track in strips of planks. Then I started adding single planks, and I decided that the strips were much better for adding planks. My family came home about then, and my cousin went straight to bed, since she was tired. My oldest sister came in and admired my partially finished roller coaster, which was kind of losing some parts, but generally staying together. That dream then went into the "Hotel California" dream.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Hermione and Dance

My cat, Hermione, has discovered the joys of sleeping under the covers of my bed, as I discovered when I scrambled on top of it to get my cell phone. Luckily it was my hand that squished her, and I removed that hand quite quickly when I felt bones instead of mattress. Hermione got out of my bed like a shot, but I discovered her there again later in the day...I saw the breathing lump.
I went to that audition today, and one of the songs made it in right away, but the other one we'll have to audition again with since one of our girls wasn't there. Also, one of our guys stopped dancing in the middle of performance and just stood around like an idiot...grrrr...but then I found out he had felt one of his muscles tearing. If that were me, I would have improvised my way off stage and make it look like that was supposed to happen; I wouldn't have stood like an idiot. Two of the group I danced with spent most of the time complaining about one of the judge-girls...grrrr...oh, well. I don't know the girl that well; maybe she is like how they say. Then again, maybe not.

Friday, January 14, 2005

School

I can't wait for school to start. Yeah, I'll miss the whole sleeping in thing, but I want something to do besides cook and clean during the day. Not that I do much of either, but still. At least I can feel justified in not cleaning when I don't have the time to do so. Right now I'm just sitting around feeling like I should feel guilty for not cleaning. Oh well. I'll do the dishes, it'll make me feel more justified in sitting around on my butt.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Bowling for Columbine

I finally saw Bowling for Columbine yesterday, and I think he made some really good points; he wasn't very impartial, but at least he didn't pretend to be. So yeah.

I saw Dad yesterday and today, and he asked me if I was sick or something, since I was in bed at 12 pm...I couldn't figure out why he was wondering so much until I told him I started school on Tuesday, and he was surprised. I guess he thought I should be in school. :)

I have another dance rehearsal tonight for the dance audition saturday; it should be fun. The dance itself is going to be in February, I think... I need to get exact information if we make it in.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Project

I have gotten my hands on a project for the rest of break, and my social life is picking up! I've decided to burn my favorite songs onto CD's, so last night I went through my CD collection and wrote down my favorite songs, what CD's they're on, how long the songs are, etc. Then I spent about an hour organizing some of the songs onto my first CD, CAT'S MIX 01. It is a compilation of about 6 different artists, all of whose songs go together nicely. I decided on boy bands for this CD, 'cause that's easy to match, so there's Jason Mraz, Matchbox Twenty, Bowling for Soup, Monkeys, Vertical Horizon, and Counting Crows. I got really close to the 80 minutes allowed on the blank CD. I burnt the CD today. Next I think I'm gonna do a relaxing mix with Santana and such.
As for my social life, I'm getting all booked up! Tonight I have rehearsal for the Phil Garay awards in Lodi (which I've roped Aaron into driving me, as I'm sort of on his way), tomorrow I have a rehearsal for another dance, Thursday's free right now, Friday I'm hanging out with Tori, and Saturday I have an audition to participate in a dance show with that group I'm rehearsing with tomorrow. Wow.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Lemony Snicket

I finally went and saw Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events last night, and I really liked it! I went with Tori, and who do we end up seeing at the theater but Chris, Zack and Reuben? They're all high-school buddies from choir. Anyway, they decided they were gonna see that movie, too. It was rather funny. Our group of five made up about half of the audience seeing Lemony Snicket; I also ended up having a dream last night with Count Olaf being the bad guy, but I was the good guy and saved the day, don't quite remember how. Oh, man, the guys were such...GUYS! They were throwing a tennis ball at each other, they were talking in the beginning of the film (we got them to shut up). But it was fun; brought me back to highschool days...

Friday, January 07, 2005

Bored

I am quite bored,
and so I write
a poem with no wit.

I am quite forward,
and so I cite
the time I take to sit.

I cry out, "Lord,
I want a flight
if only for a bit."

He answers, bored,
"In sleep you might
fly just a little bit."

Will you be floored,
If you the sight
of me by spotlights lit?

Because I soared,
At quite some height,
'til out of bed I git.

Filing FAFSA

I'm finally filing for my fafsa, but I don't have all the info, so I won't be finishing today. Oh well, at least I'm getting started.
My schedule is getting all turned around, man, I mean, yesterday I got out of bed at 3 pm. Wow! I don't usually do that, and I generally don't like to, so I set my alarm for 11 am today, which is a good 8 hours of sleep, since I went to bed at 3 am. During vacation I like to sleep until lunch, so I don't have to worry about making breakfast. I want school to start, I'm getting antsy, I need to do things. Just watch, things will start happening and then I won't want school to start when it does. I'm just so used to having a jam-packed schedule that I don't really know what to do with myself when I'm free from that schedule. It's weird.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Same old thang

saw aaron today, it was very nice to see him. we hadn't been able to see each other since school let out two weeks ago. we were able to catch up on what's going on in each other's lives, and all that jazz.
i forgot to mention that before i left la i hooked up with my buddy brenda and some of her "homies." turns out, the friend she claimed was so much like me, dan? he is so much like me. he kept saying the things i was about to say, and a couple of times we did the exact same thing. i don't envy brenda the monsterous headache she must have had, 'cause i, at least, was making a complete fool of myself (but what else is new?). dan kept egging me on to take more sugar shots when we were at denny's (for those who don't know, a sugar shot is one of those sugar packets). i think brenda was a bit overwhelmed. i'm glad dan lives in la, 'cause i don't think we'd be able to withstand each other's company for more than a day here and there. i was exhausted when i got back to my aunt's house, and brenda was, too. i had, like, twelve friggin' shots. who needs drugs? i got sugar to get me going.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

I'm Back!

I'm back in Stockton, better than ever, and I've actually managed to put all my stuff away. Wow. I've made my calls letting people know I'm back in town, talked to people, and all that jazz. Hopefully my social life will kick back into gear soon, it got a little rusty while I was gone. At least here I can gab on the phone for hours on end without feeling worried anyone will overhear me. Not like I gab for hours, but I believe my record (as recorded on my cell phone) is an hour and a half. I'm more likely to go half-hour to an hour if I'm gonna talk a lot.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Universal Studios

I had a blast today. Evan and I went to Universal Studios (in case you couldn't tell from the title), and I drove again. I'm telling you, the best time to drive on the freeway in LA is the morning of New Year's Day. It was 8:30 and there was barely any traffic. Since Evan had one of those handicap parking passes, we were able to park really close (and I mean really close; it was maybe a hundred meters to the entrance). We first went on the Revenge of the Mummy, which had technical difficulties as we were in line, but cleared up in, like, ten minutes, and then we pretty much walked right on. It was rather similar to the Indiana Jones ride in Disneyland, but Revenge was more roller coaster-like. I think I like Indiana Jones better, but we still ended up riding Revenge twice.
After that, we went to the Special Effects tour, where I acted as a volunteer for the first show of the year. I showed off my acting skills by screaming on cue, looked at tennis balls on sticks, pretended to be moving huge stones...It was awesome. Because of my heroic volunteerism, I was given a backstage tour--sort of. Moving from one room to another my fellow volunteer and I got to go via backstage, whereas the audience moved through different doors. I ended up volunteering again when no one else would for the sound effects room, where I got to operate a water sound effect on cue. Not only did I show my acting skills, I showed my techie skills as well. Aren't I cool? Oh, yeah.
I also saw a lot of the rest of the park, and I bought a nifty souvenir: a tote bag that looks like one of those placards the people hold that tell who's in the movie, what the movie is, etc. etc. I knew I'd find a souvenir that called my name. It just said, "Cat, buy me, buy me, please!" What could I do? I bought the bag.